5 Ways To Be A Better Listener : Life Kit : Npr

You may feel the need to ask really insightful or detailed follow-up questions, whether to prove you’ve been listening or flex your prowess as a conversational partner. But actually, some of the most effective things you can say as a listener are pretty simple. “Maintaining a sense of curiosity is key,” Kelaher says. It can help you zero in on what’s important to the other person—and keep you from jumping to conclusions. Next, whether you’re across from your partner, a new intern, or the CEO, show your ego the exit.

Does it seem to others that we are living a life worth living? All of us share these questions, and many of us worry that we do not offer anything of interest to others. This is why we may focus on other attributes like beauty or behaviour. We may feel good for being attractive or appreciated for our service.

  • Truly listening to someone you care about and having a thoughtful conversation with them can strengthen your bond and show the other person that you are a supportive space for them during times of need.
  • Psychologist Robert Putchick designed an eight-pronged wheel of foundational emotions and the sentiments that branch out from each.
  • To actively follow what the speaker is conveying, you allow space for them to speak, reducing or eliminating questions and giving space for silence.
  • Listening is more than just being physically present when another person is talking.

So when thela-date.com you find yourself zoning out or daydreaming during a conversation, just recognize that it’s happening and bring yourself back to what’s going on right in front of you. Active listening is a skill that can be learned, so make time to practice. By doing so, you can help others understand you, better understand others, and build resilience and maintain balance in the different areas of your life.

How To Practice Active Listening: 16 Examples & Techniques

how to be a better listener

Van Edwards calls this “fronting”—angling what she describes as your “three Ts” (toes, torso, and top) toward whoever you’re listening to. “I want your toes to be on parallel lines” with the speaker’s, she says. The cue sounds almost too small to matter, but when it’s absent, people notice immediately. Think of a bad date where the other person’s feet are pointed toward the door, or a meeting where someone keeps their chair swiveled away from whoever’s talking. Their body is telegraphing that they’d rather be somewhere else. You can be a better listener by focusing fully on the speaker, using active listening cues like nodding and summarizing, and avoiding interruptions.

Avoid Interrupting The Speaker

It works on video and in person, and there are lots of ways to do it, from raising your eyebrows when something genuinely intrigues you to leaning toward a colleague when their point lands. Van Edwards thinks of these cues as a recipe and stresses that you should only use the ingredients that suit your taste. “I never want anyone to do a listening cue that feels fake or inauthentic,” she says.

More Tips On How To Be A Better Listener

Genuine curiosity is one of the four essentials of good listening, alongside being conscious, committed, and compassionate, Treasure says. He points out that “there’s always something to learn in every conversation”—even in the ones you’re sure you’ve had a hundred times before. Listening to others builds respect, strengthens relationships, and prevents misunderstandings.

Next, it’s important to take a step back and understand why active listening matters. A big part of active listening is, well, listening. But the best listeners aren’t just statues absorbing information — they also know what to say and when to say it. This might not be a big deal when the stakes are low, like you’re watching TV while knitting a scarf. But when the tasks are more complex — like watching TV while texting with a friend who’s in a crisis or studying for an exam — multitasking can have a negative impact. If you really want to be an active, empathic listener, you need to put away your devices and be fully present.

Several “affective precursors” (mood-related) factors can help improve the ability to listen well, including mindfulness, or conversational sensitivity. Communication researchers have long emphasized the importance of good listening. Within counseling and psychotherapy, teaching the ability to listen is a mainstay of all training programs. Various methods exist to train students to become expert listeners, as it’s known that without this skill, it’s almost impossible to help someone in need. (How could we?) A good listener can express a different opinion or simply hold it silently. They can even use “I” statements to express discomfort with certain ideas (e.g., “That’s a tough point of view for me to share.”).

” — vs passive attention, where you’re attending to the conversation, but really mostly interested in what’s going on in your own head. One of the sneakiest ways we stop listening is by assuming we already know what someone is about to say. It happens most in our closest relationships—with a partner, a parent, a longtime coworker—where we’ve heard some version of the story before and our brain checks out before the sentence is finished. The problem is that your disengaged stance shows up on your face.